How To Save My Marriage Today

Good relationships are hard to find. It is not that they do not exist but they do not receive the attention quite in the same way a bad relationship does. The cops are not called out for a domestic dispute in the early morning hours. Screaming and throwing of furniture do not disturb the household. Bruises and scrapes are not hid beneath make-up or long sleeved shirts. Good relationships might suffer ups and downs but are a far different cry than the ones witnessed on reality television shows that frequently are centered around broken relationships

If there had to be one thing setting a great romance apart from the ones destined to become foul, it would be the ability and level of communication from with. If partner A is upset and withdrawing into his or her self then it only stands to reason that partner B will find themselves at a loss over what to say or do. Good communication is essential as it allows both parties to speak on issues that are important to them or even talking just to clear up misunderstandings. Unfortunately not all communications will be completely positive. Even intelligent, open minded and caring people will sometimes say or do things to offend their partner, possibly even hurting them through an action.

A relationships advice comes from knowing the right individuals to contact should there be a problem. It might not be completely impartial for one partner to have his/her best friend as the mediator. The same is true for turning to a religious figure for counseling and advice if one party in the relationship is not comfortable with religion.

Compromising is a way for the initial argument to be able to be brought to the surface. It shows that there is willingness on both sides to bring some sort of resolution to the table. One tip that counselors suggest when trying to salvage good relationships is to concentrate on the matter at hand. Focusing on the current issue allows for the past to remain there, in the past.

Dating or marrying does not mean that things will always be smooth sailing. Good relationships are a work in progress that grow and evolve daily. People change with time and so must their interactions with each other. Love can be considered an art form and if the paint becomes smudged there are people that can help right the mistakes. A marriage counselor can do this. A mediator, a close unbiased friend or even a church member can help bring two people closer together. All it takes is time and effort.

Nothing is indestructible with enough pressure put onto it. Good relationships are no different than the bad ones except that there are two partners committed to each other and willing to work on things as they come. That is the simple secret.

Find out How To Save Your Marriage Today!

Many years ago there was a television show based on a series of books written by Laura Ingalls Wilder. The show was “Little House on the Prairie” and was set in the time of covered wagons and the old west. The Ma and Pa of the show were God fearing Christians who wore nightgowns to bed and there was no hint of sexuality in their Christian marriage. Chaste kisses on the cheek and separate beds have long been the image brought to mind when someone talks about a Christian marriage.

That is not quite what a Christian marriage is. Yes there probably was a time when sexuality and romance were not a huge part of the relationship but in this day and age there is. The world has realized that and is opening its previous viewpoints.

Many churches are advocating sexual expression within the marriage as a way to show the world that these faith centered romances are not as stuffy and lackluster as some might think. Couples need to express their love physically and Christians are no different. They will not be participating in the free marriage principles of swingers but they have physical needs just the same and need to find a perfect balance between the emotional needs and the physicality.

A love based within the Christian church is focused around God. It is one where faith plays a tremendous role. It does not mean that the couple absolutely must be totally active within the Christian community and it most certainly does not guarantee that there will not be marital troubles. Human beings do run into conflict unless they are sequestered away from the rest of the world.

When strife arises most religious couples turn to a marriage counselor within their church. This ensures that their particular belief system will be taken into account and that marriage and family counseling will be most applicable to their lifestyle. There are times that the couple needs to see outside help though, especially if one of them has engaged in infidelity.

The relationship found between to people who are Christian can be a wholesome and healthy one. It is one that many people admire for its tenacity and willingness to forgive and heal. Therapists believe that it is the commitment to their beliefs in a higher power that give the Christian marriage something to hold onto whereas other couples might not have this common ground.

The ideas and principles behind a Christian marriage can be applied to anyone’s relationship. Its belief in faithfulness, honesty and family is one that many people try to adopt regardless of their personal spiritual beliefs. A strong marriage, while often found within the Church, can be attained by any couple willing to make their relationship succeed and work to right any wrong.

Find out How To Save Your Marriage Today!

Developing relationships is a bit more than clicking a mouse. The faces of relationships have changed much over the past fifty years. The odds of dating and marrying the high school sweetheart are not probable. For the first time in history people are placing higher values on careers than they are looking for apartner. The world is seeing a trend for older couples and marrying later on in lives.

Ten years ago there was a stigma attached to internet dating. It was generally thought of as something people did for “hook ups” or were for “losers” who could not get a date in real life. Nothing could possibly be further from the truth. Internet dating was and still is a great way for developing a relationship.

Developing relationships takes time and work. Single parents, people concentrating on their career or individuals seeking specific qualities in a mate often find them on the losing end of the relationship game if they limit themselves to people who they would normally interact with. The advent of the Internet gave people a way to communicate without the pressures of small talk and idle chit chat.

One particular website devoted to love and marriage is Eharmony. They take the idea of compatibility and match people based on a series of questions the individual answers. This approach is on the premise that searching through endless personal ads is often a fruitless endeavor due to discovering that the other person is not compatible.

Regardless of the methods used, it really comes down to what is right for each individual person. Even if the initial contact and meeting is online or at the grocery store, it takes time and effort for developing relationships that can last. It takes a commitment to understand how love and dating works.

The best advice any seasoned dater can give a single guy or gal is to take time. The method of developing relationships has not changed much in the history of mankind. There has to be a certain level of trust, understanding and a basic compatibility. If a person cannot talk to their partner or love interest, then chances are that the relationship is doomed from the start.

One of the biggest issues a person can face when dating is having the ability to say “No” if there is no chance the relationship will work out. Often a person finds themselves dating a guy or girl just because they could not end it for fear of hurting the other person or fear of being alone.

Developing a relation that can last takes work and can sometimes be a painful process. It doesn’t have to be like that. Love is one half intellectual and the other emotional. When combined it gives an level playing field where two people can find something they truly want.

Find out How To Save Your Marriage Today!

By: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

We all know that relationships are very challenging. 52% of married people reach their 15th anniversary and only 33% reach their 25th anniversary.

I have been counseling individuals and couples for 40 years and I believe that I have discovered a major cause of relationship problems - if not THE major cause.

Simply put, each person makes the other person responsible for his or her feelings and then tries, in various ways, to have control over getting the other person to behave in the ways she or she wants.

When most people get into a relationship, they tend to believe that this person whom they love will finally make them feel safe, secure, adequate and lovable. Because most people do not know how to make themselves feel safe, secure, adequate and lovable, and because many people came from families that did not provide this, they each believe that it needs to be provided by the other person.

The other person might try very hard to provide this. Imagine that you have a partner who is very kind and caring. But imagine that you are very critical of yourself. While your partner’s caring feels good, as long as you are judging yourself, you will feel bad. No matter how much your partner loves you, as long as you are being unloving to yourself, you will not feel safe, secure, adequate and lovable.

However, you might not realize that your feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or fear are coming from your own thoughts. You might think that you are not happy because your partner is just not loving you enough. As a result, you might try various actions to try have control over getting the love you want - such as getting angry, blaming, or giving yourself up. The act of trying to control your partner only adds to your own bad feelings.

Meanwhile, your partner is likely doing the same thing - trying to get you to make him or her feel safe, secure, adequate and lovable. But when you try to control your partner and your partner tries to control you, you both end up feeling worse. One or both of you might go into resistance, withdrawing to protect against being controlled. When one person withdraws to avoid being controlled, the other person might feel even more abandoned, trying even harder to have control over getting the love you want.

As long as you each make the other person responsible for your feelings, you will continue to create a relationship that doesn’t work.

The way out of this - the way to break this codependent system - is for one person to start to take responsibility for his or her own feelings. It really just takes one person to break the unloving system that both have established. When you begin to notice the thoughts that create your fear, insecurity, and feelings of unworthiness and unlovability, then you can start to learn to heal the wounded part of you that is critical of you. As you do your own inner work and learn to love yourself, you stop being a victim. You stop blaming your partner. You stop trying to control your partner into making you feel loved.

While there is no guarantee that your partner will also make changes, there is a good possibility that when you learn how to make yourself happy and take the pressure off your partner to do this for you, he or she might be interested in doing this as well.

Whatever the outer problems are in your relationship - sexual issues, money issues, parenting issues, chores, time, and so on - the underlying issue not taking responsibility for your own feelings. When you decide to learn to do this, you may be thrilled with the results!

Article Source: ABC Article Directory

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE Inner Bonding course or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.